Space Between

I'm in this strange place right now. Between a lot. 

I'm in a constant state of purge, pick up and perfect. 

I'm in a constant state of wider and slower moments. 

I'm seeking balance of enjoyment, work and movement. 

Someone asked me recently if it felt less stressful to not be working. And I could honestly say, "no." 

There is this manageable level of stress you figure out when you are working. It is constant, and expected and you develop tools for coping. 

Or, at least I did. 

I slept soundly. 

I fit in exercise, and meal prepping and time with my family. 

It was a delicate, orchestrated balancing act. 

Hence this site's name. 

And then, we tossed it all up in the air. 

I'm not sleeping as well. 

I'm fitting in exercise, put I have to push myself more to do it. 

I'm not cooking as much as I'd like. 

I am finding a lot more time with family though. 

I don't feel balanced, or harmonious. 

But.

It is exactly how it is supposed to be right now. 

And Sunday's are a lot more enjoyable, I did never find a solution for the Sunday blues. 

I have Dave Matthew's "The Space Between" on a loop in my head. 

On a daily basis I could be purging a room, calling a mortgage company, spinning at Peloton/Running, or sitting and staring at my computer. 

I have lots of To-Do Lists and they get shorter, and then longer again. I contemplated signing up for a half marathon that is in 5 weeks and talked myself out of it. Adding more doesn't seem smart right now.

And I keep thinking, what will it be like when we are settled back in to a daily rhythm? And when will that be? Later this Summer? The Fall? Not until Winter? 

I don't know. No one does. Which is why my sleep doesn't come as easily at night. I'm working on letting that go. I'm working on releasing some old patterns and habits. I have to. 

And some of those included daily photos on Instagram, or more frequent posts here, because I needed that outlet.

One I've kept is listening to Podcasts. I just finished one about the Tarot Medicine for April...yeah I know that may be a little out there for some readers. But hear me out. Tarot for the Wild Soul is more about starting with the cards as a foundation for doing self reflective reviews that work for you. She isn't a "Oh this card means X will happen." She is, "Oh, this card came up, here is what it means, and here is how you may want to think about it." And leaves the rest to you. 

April is a mirror. A mirror for really going deeper in to what we need to let go of. She talks about breaking routines that haven't worked for us. Breaking out of patterns that our ego has put in place to protect us from hard work. I needed it. Deeply. If you're interested check it out here: https://podknife.com/episodes/940712 

So, as I look more deeply in to my mirror this month I will continue to let myself be in this between space and thrive. I will continue to be in this between space and grow. I will continue to be in this between space and learn more about myself and who I truly am, so I can be more of myself for me and my people. 

Happy April.